if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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