she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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