I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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