This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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