No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize