margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
