if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
