evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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