we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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