she was so not down for the gang bang
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
