i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
