just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize