hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
