we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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