do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
