If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
