I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
