My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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