Your mouth is God's brothel.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
