He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
