I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
