I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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