Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
