Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You can't special order awesome
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
