Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
