Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
