Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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