Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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