I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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