My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
