I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
