but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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