I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
