Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
