Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
