so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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