she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
