he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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