Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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