my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize