There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
