my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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