He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Randomize
