Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
