It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
