I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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