just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
