I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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