she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
