That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
