Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
