You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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