I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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