where am i from again
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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