Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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