five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
