I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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