um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
