She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize