I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
