good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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