You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
